Boundaries for Healthy Dating

A very foggy morning on my friend's farm near Chehalis, Washington.  He had many horses and was always checking his fence for damage.

Last Updated on 19 February 2023

Each boundary is a statement of the behaviour I no longer want to act out,
followed by an affirming statement of the behaviour I want to replace the old behaviour with.

  1. I will not see them for reasons of being sexual.
    I will see them to do something of mutual interest or to get to know as a friend.
  2. I will not stop or cancel my other activities to see them.
    I will see them when it fits into my schedule.
  3. I will not have sex with them for at least 13 dates.
    I will trust them before having sex.
  4. I will not make them perfect.
    I will see them for who they are.
  5. I will not give away my trust.
    I will take time to get to know them and come to my own conclusions about whether I should trust them.
  6. I will not manipulate to get compliments of their attractions for me.
    I will compliment myself.
  7. I will not beat myself up for the first addictive thought.
    I will replace addictive thoughts with healthy ones.
  8. I will not constantly think about or fantasise about them.
    I will have a well-rounded life where I think about all things happening in my life.
  9. I will not pretend to be someone else.
    I will be truthful, honest, and totally myself.
  10. I will not share personal things about myself before its time.
    I will keep appropriate boundaries and let intimacy develop naturally.
  11. I will not jump head-first into the relationship. I will not have daily contact.
    I will walk slowly, and initially talk to them only when we have specific plans.
  12. I will not feel obligated to stay in the relationship, or to continue dating them.
    I can end the dating/relationship whenever I want for any reason.
THE JOURNAL. Jan/Feb 1992

This is not an official document, but suggestions by one member.
‘him/her/he/she’ language changed to ‘them/their’

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