Outreach Calls

Last Updated on 14 October 2024

      Outreach calls are a crucial part of the SLAA recovery program, working hand-in-hand with meetings, sponsorship, connection to a Higher Power, and service work. Making regular outreach calls (often called OR) to fellow members helps us break out of isolation, overcome feelings of loneliness, and build a strong foundation for our sobriety.

      In many WhatsApp or Signal groups, other members may ask for an outreach call with a message like OR? or 3/3? This means they are asking if another member is available for an outreach call where each person would share for about 3 minutes each. After the person has shared, you may ask them if they would like any feedback on what they have shared. Read on to find out what this means.

      Experienced members often recommend that all SLAA participants, especially newcomers, make two to three outreach calls per day. These calls provide invaluable lessons and skills that are essential for long-term recovery:

      • They teach us how to reach out and ask for help when we need it, reminding us that we are not alone.
      • Through outreach, we learn to uncover, acknowledge, and communicate our feelings in healthy ways.
      • We develop a better understanding of boundaries – how to set them, maintain them, and respect the boundaries of others.
      • Outreach calls foster the crucial skill of active listening, where we focus on truly hearing the other person without distractions.
      • Sometimes, the most powerful thing we can offer is simply a compassionate ear, without judgment or unsolicited advice.

      Engaging in regular outreach is a cornerstone of the SLAA program. It connects us to our fellowship, builds accountability, and equips us with the tools we need to sustain our recovery journey. Remember, you don’t have to go through this alone. Your fellow SLAA members are here to support you every step of the way.

      Outreach calls to fellow SLAA members are invaluable for both the person making the call and the one receiving it. Don’t be afraid to reach out – other members understand the importance of these connections and can set their own boundaries if needed. In fact, your outreach may be exactly what someone else needs in that moment.

      It’s important to understand that outreach calls are different from reaching out to family and friends. In those relationships, we often avoid vulnerability and honesty about our sex and love addiction patterns. But the purpose of SLAA outreach is to foster connection – with ourselves, another person, and our Higher Power. This makes them a fundamental part of our recovery, rather than just casual “visits” or “catch-ups.”

      Outreach calls are also distinct from working with a sponsor. While a sponsor is a spiritual guide who helps us navigate the Twelve Steps, an outreach fellow member can be anyone else in the SLAA program – whether they’re a newcomer or someone with long-term sobriety. This document provides guidelines specifically for these member-to-member outreach calls, not sponsor-sponsee interactions.

      The key is to remember that you are not alone on this journey. Reaching out to your SLAA peers, whether for support or to offer your own experience, is a vital part of building the connections and accountability that will sustain your recovery. Don’t hesitate to make those calls.

      At some SLAA meetings, members may be asked if they are willing to take outreach calls from newcomers. If someone has raised their hand, trust that they will return your call as soon as they are able. However, sometimes you may need to call a member more than once, and some may not be available or respond. Don’t take this personally – it’s an opportunity for you to keep reaching out and find the connections that will support your recovery.

      We recommend focusing your outreach efforts on members who are consistently responsive and available. If there’s someone you’ve been particularly inspired by at a meeting, you can also approach them directly and ask if it’s okay to call them.

      Proper outreach call etiquette is important to ensure respectful and safe interactions:

      Outreach calls are:

      • An opportunity to connect with fellow members and build healthy relationships
      • A way to support each other through recovery, especially during difficult times
      • A chance to learn from members with more sobriety, if both people wish to share
      • An outlet to share your progress and signs of recovery
      • A means of building accountability as you work the program
      • A reminder that you are not alone in this journey

      Outreach calls are not:

      • A one-way monologue or an excuse for “dumping” – both people should have a chance to share
      • A therapy session where you try to “fix” or rescue someone
      • A replacement for attending meetings or calling your sponsor
      • Necessarily lengthy – 5-10 minutes is often sufficient

      The key is to approach outreach calls with an attitude of mutual care and support. Remember, your fellow SLAA members are here for you, and your calls can make a big difference in someone else’s recovery as well. Don’t hesitate to keep reaching out.

      As the initiator of an outreach call, it’s important to start by asking the receiver if it’s a good time to talk and how much time they have available. Outreach doesn’t need to take a significant amount of time to be effective.

      Here are some sample dialogue starters for the receiver:

      • “I have about 10 minutes – maybe you can share for 5 and I can share for 5.
        Does that work for you?”
      • “I only have a few minutes right now, but I can talk more at [specific time].”
      • “I only have a few minutes. How can I best support you with the time I have?”
      • “Would you like feedback, or would you prefer I just listen?”

      As the call recipient, you are not responsible for:

      • Finding solutions to the other person’s problems
      • Providing answers to questions you don’t already know
      • Giving more time or energy than you have available

      Whether you are new to the program or have substantial experience, here are some ways you can be of service during an outreach call:

      Listening is just as important as talking. We all need to be heard. If you don’t have much time or can’t provide feedback, you can still offer the gift of listening. This allows the other person to share and helps you stay present and learn.

      Mirroring involves relating back what you’ve heard. This active listening skill can help the other person gain clarity and self-awareness.

      Relating: You can share how you relate to what the other person has described, without hijacking the focus onto your own story.

      Suggestions: Only offer suggestions or advice if the other person asks for it, or if you get their permission first. Provide program tools and resources they can use.

      The key is to approach outreach with an attitude of mutual care and support.
      Remember, you’re both in this together. Don’t hesitate to reach out and be there for each other.

      Interrupting can actually be an important and healthy part of making and receiving outreach calls. It’s acceptable to interrupt someone politely to let them know when your time is up and you need to go. Try to wait for an appropriate pause, but don’t be afraid to interrupt respectfully if necessary.

      Interrupting can also be valuable when a fellow member seems stuck in their story or problem, unable or unwilling to see the solution. Gently redirecting the focus can be a compassionate act.

      Additionally, interrupting may be warranted if something the other person is saying triggers your own sobriety and recovery. For example, inappropriate or overly detailed descriptions of sexual acts.

      Remember, SLAA is a solution-focused program, not just a self-help or support group. Our primary purpose is to work the Twelve Steps and achieve sobriety from sex and love addiction.

      It’s also important not to take it personally if someone doesn’t have much time to talk, doesn’t answer your call, or doesn’t call you back. Keep reaching out to other members, keep attending meetings, and keep working the program. This will strengthen your own recovery journey, leading to the peace, serenity, and joy you’re seeking.

      You are no longer alone in this.
      Your SLAA community is here to support you every step of the way.

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