Last Updated on 24 October 2024
Rewritten by Claude Haiku – Based on an article by Carl Thomas
Recovery can indeed be a brave journey, and it’s important to acknowledge the very real fears that so many of us face along the way. Recovery requires us to confront change on many levels, from our relationships and behaviours to our very mindset. And that change can be downright terrifying, especially when we’ve grown so accustomed to the “comfortable” lifestyle of avoidance and escape.
Those fears naturally can keep someone stuck in the grips of addiction. But I also believe that with courage, compassion, and the right support system, we can overcome those obstacles. The path may not be easy, but the rewards of living a life in recovery are truly profound.
1. Fear of Failure
We all share the worry about relapsing and falling back into old patterns. The shame and disappointment that can come with that is really heavy. It makes total sense why someone wouldn’t want to risk experiencing that pain again.
The truth is, your addictive behaviours likely already carried a sense of failure with them. So the idea of potentially “failing” at recovery can feel even more daunting. Recovery is rarely a straight line. Setbacks and stumbles are often a natural part of the process.
The key is to shift our perspective on those setbacks. Rather than seeing them as definitive failures, we can view them as valuable learning opportunities. Each time we experience a relapse or a challenge, we gain important insights that strengthen our resilience and perseverance. A friend mentioned to me after I relapsed, that at one level it was only a data point – as long as I reflected on it and learnt from it.
Those qualities are so crucial for sustaining our recovery journey.
I know it’s scary to risk failing again, especially when we’ve already been through that before. But every time we get back up and keep moving forward, we prove our courage and commitment. Those “failures” become stepping stones towards the better, greater destination of lasting freedom.
Relapse doesn’t mean you’ve failed – it just means you’re human.
2. Fear of Change
Recovery requires us to make changes in so many areas of our lives. Daily routines, social connections, even our sense of identity can all shift as we commit to this journey. And that can feel incredibly overwhelming, especially when we’re leaving behind what’s familiar and comfortable.
I know the uncertainty of the unknown can be really scary. It’s natural to feel resistant to change, even when we know it’s necessary for our growth and healing. But when we approach recovery with the right support systems and a clear plan, we can start to see those changes as exciting opportunities, rather than just threats.
With the right mindset and the courage to take it one step at a time, we can open ourselves up to new, healthier ways of living. It may feel uncomfortable at first, but I’ve seen time and time again how those who embrace the challenge of change end up experiencing profound personal growth.
You don’t have to face this alone, my friend. Lean on your support network, take it slowly, and trust the process. Change can be scary, but you’ve got this.
3. Fear of Facing Underlying Issues
Porn is not the problem. Yes, it’s a problem, but not the main problem. Addiction often masks deeper issues that we need to face. In recovery, we learn that our compulsive patterns are usually symptoms of deeper emotional or spiritual challenges, such as trauma, unresolved grief, anxiety, or depression.
The program teaches us that healing comes through honesty, openness, and willingness to look at ourselves with compassion. It’s natural to feel scared about facing these underlying issues – many of us have been there. That’s why we say “You are not alone in this journey.”
Working with a sponsor, attending meetings, and following the 12 steps can provide the support and structure needed to face these challenges. Sometimes professional help is also valuable – the program suggests working with professionals who understand addiction and recovery.
4. Fear of Rejection
This one is a BIG one!
We know that many of us struggle deeply with the fear of rejection and the weight of secrecy. As it says in our readings, “Sex and love addiction has a tremendous stigma — we are afraid to be ostracised, publicly humiliated, lose our income, or suffer even worse consequences.”
Many of us have kept our recovery journey hidden, thinking we’re practising anonymity when we’re actually practising secrecy. The fear of being revealed can truly undermine our serenity and block us from connection with others and our Higher Power.
But here’s what’s beautiful about recovery – in our meetings and fellowship, we find people who understand exactly what we’re going through. We discover we’re not alone. As the literature tells us, “We talked with our sponsors about these concerns, and we listened to others share in meetings. Again, we found that we were not alone.”
5. Fear of Living without a “Security Blanket”
While porn and sex are awful long-term coping mechanisms, the reality is they can serve as an efficient short-term means for numbing difficult emotions, alleviating stress, or escaping from painful experiences.
From our recovery experience, many of us have faced the fear of living without what seemed like our only means of coping. Our literature tells us that “The suffering and pain of our ongoing addictive lives seemed matched by terror of the emptiness which would surely be ours if we stopped.”
Many of us wondered how we would handle life’s challenges without our addictive behaviours. As our readings share, “The unfamiliarity of the idea that we could use sex itself or a ‘lover’ like a drug, coupled with the horrifying implications of having to stop, put those of us reaching this desperate point into a state of absolute panic.”
But through working the program, we discover new, healthier ways to cope. Our literature tells us that “recovery in all three areas – physical, mental, and spiritual – is necessary if we are to achieve comfortable, long-term sexual and emotional sobriety.” Fear is real, but you don’t have to give it the last word in how you live your life. Yes, recovery takes courage. It means facing our fears and learning to live differently. But you don’t have to do it alone. That’s why we have meetings, sponsors, and fellowship.
